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How's a Worthy Patron like a body at a funeral? You can't hold the affair without him, but nobody expects him to say much.

The Eastern Star held a seminar about getting new members. During a break a brother happened to overhear one Worthy Matron say to another, "Ours is up ten." The second Worthy Matron responded, "We've got you beat. Our gain is twenty-five."
The brother said, "Pardon me, sisters. I don't mean to interrupt, but I couldn't help hearing. That's wonderful news! Between your chapters we've got thirty-five new members!"
"New members?" said the first, "We were talking about how many pounds our Worthy Patrons have gained this year."

 A young Entered Apprentice was being posted on his proficiency. After going over the signs and passwords, he looked at his poster and asked, "I noticed several of the older members sticking their fingers in their ears and whistling. What does that sign mean?"

"That's not a sign," his poster said, "Those are Past Masters adjusting their hearing aids."

 A brother Mason died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was giving him a tour of the place when they entered a huge room filled with clocks, all showing different times. "There's one clock for each lodge," Peter said, "and every time a mistake is made in the ritual, that lodge's clock moves ahead one minute."

The brother looked for his lodge's clock in vain. Finally he turned to St. Peter and asked where it was located. "Well, it got kind of hot in the kitchen," said the Saint, "and we needed a fan..."

What are the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker? The only people not introduced at an Eastern Star meeting.

 Question: How many Masons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Three. One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the last light bulb replacement, and one to sit on the sidelines to say, "That isn't the way we used to screw in light bulbs."